Kerouac Rules For Spontaneous Prose #22

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Dont think of words when you stop but to see picture better

He appeared in the doorway. Instantly, the temptation to wander back through the deified halls of memory rumbled through my stomach like the first hunger of the day. He was once the main staple of my waking hours. But now he only left a hole in my soul. The fact that even after almost a year that he no longer worked in my office and yet still had a hold on my reveries startled me. He was fired. He never even discussed the reasons why. They dismissed him. And then he dismissed me from his life.

At once, my inner voice kicked in with a litany of invectives I felt the last time I was in his company. Trolling through the reality of his true character–his secrecy–his inability to speak from the heart unless drunk– and how he used people—it struck me that I was in the same room with a human cockroach. Nausea began to creep through but then…

The simpering was still the same. Whether at his best or worst, he never seemed to lose that veneer of being absolutely and positively in possession of great joy in his life. And again, I remembered his smile the first time we were introduced– and it was a pleasure to see that this never changed.

“Ah but his smile was never, ever his strength, really. Was it? I mean, it’s not beautiful,” said Inny (in my head).

“No, but it was infectious,” I said.

“It was uncertain that he heard the words you spoke just now,” said Inny in her lilting, angelic voice that reverberated in my echoic head. “Not whole-heartedly, anyway.”

“In a way, I am glad, you know?”

“He’s been more than nine months with that girl. He never even sent you a Happy Christmas, Happy New Year or even a Get-to-fuck. For someone that claims you would always have a Friendship, he seems rather remiss,” said Inny.

“I am all delight,” I said back. “ Besides, not having him in my life as a friend makes room for real ones. This is a promise of a new beginning.”

“Well, hells-bells. Welcome back, kiddo,” said Inny. “He was never worth the effort, was he?”

“Remember me? It was ME that walked into the office like a ray of sunshine he said. That first day he met me. He said that is why he fell in love with me.”

“But he was jealous.”

“No. He just stopped caring,” I said.

“I care,” said Inny.

I never realised he left the room. I never even learned why he had been into the office. I had no idea why he had been in to visit. But just like that, he was gone for good.

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About A. E. Wallace aka [EL] Selkie

Ann Wallace holds a degree from the University of Texas at El Paso in Mass Communications and minored in Creative Writing. She worked at the NBC Affiliate Newschannel9 in El Paso, was a journalist for the El Paso Diocese Catholic Newspaper, held writing workshops with The Tumblewords Project, performed as a Slam Poet and published poetry in small literary magazines. She is now an ex-pat in the UK where she lives, knits, games, works and writes. View all posts by A. E. Wallace aka [EL] Selkie

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